September 30, 2016 by
I’m starting to get confused by the word friendship.
Maybe it should be called expect-ship because we seem to expect a lot from friends and get disappointed when people don’t fulfil our expectations.
I think this is one of the main reasons friendships often don’t last.
Why do we constantly get disappointed? It’s because we humans are needy creatures. We need acceptance. When we make a new friend, that need is met. We are instantly accepted. As the relationship grows this need of acceptance get gratified. We need to be wanted and when our new friend asks for advise or help we can tick another need off the list. In turn we need advice or help and when we get it it ticks another box but our expectations grow. We need edification. It’s wonderful when something we do or say is acknowledged, we are encouraged. Friends help us to grow, if we don’t take offence when our friends don’t meet our expectations.
So how can we become better friends. And not let expectations get in the way? I ask this question often.
- Ask yourself why are you upset?
- Is it it false expectations? Maybe you think you are a closer friend than they do. There are higher expectations with close friends. When a close friend recently died I realised, even though we lived at a distance I had thought of her as one of my few best friends maybe even my best friend. She on the other hand, had many close friends. It really did not matter I always felt special when I was with her. She made me laugh and laugh and laugh.
- We have to accept our friends situation and personality maybe they can’t give you what you need.
- Maybe you need to lower your expectations. When we delve into our minds sort out what we really expect from our friends, it will surprise you.
Become the best friend you can be. Nurture your relationships people are worth it.