Renovation of ALL SORTS of Relationships

all-sortsHow are your relationships going? Usually when that question is asked people who are in a permanent relationship with a partner go instantly to that relationship and analyze it. Those who aren’t in a permanent relationship usually face the tension of either being content with their own company or the sadness of being alone.
But in this blog let’s expand the relationship definition to included all sorts of relationships! For those reading this from overseas the wonderful confectionary in the photo is available in Australia and called “All Sorts“, yum!

4 Keys to Healthy Relationships
John Gottman, who is a world leader in relationships, suggests 4 key elements to a healthy relationship.
1. Respect
2. Negotiation
3. Emotional honesty
4. Common values
Easy to see that without those 4 keys you aren’t going far or deep with any kind relationship, even your pet lizard. 
The challenge comes when you feel you are using the keys but your friend isn’t. My lizard is sticking his tongue out at me disrespectfully as we speak 🙁

How to keep my cool and not overreact?
  • Keep expectations low and be pleased when they are exceeded
  • Gently challenge behavior that doesn’t fit the 4 keys in any situation (but pick a time and place that is appropriate)
  • Become self aware of your own emotions and learn how to express them without blame
  • Love without conditions

When you decide to love unconditionally you know what you are going to do: Pursuing a safe connection with that person, regardless of their behaviour, unless it is unsafe. (My lizard doesn’t have teeth so I’m pretty safe)

Anxiety might arise when you sense differences in the relationship, and fear will tempt you to run away or get angry. But by loving unconditionally, you commit to keep moving toward one another even when you aren’t getting your way and feel angry or fearful. It takes courage to love unconditionally, but the renovation is always worth it, because you have maintained your identity!

  • What would it look like to move toward someone when someone makes you uncomfortable?
  • What is your  relationship style under stress?
  • Can you imagine what your current relationships would look like with a renovation?

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